Remember—today's
Hercules made from genuine Steve Reeves parts.
A reference to an old series of Ford commercials, in which they would say,
"Remember, use only genuine Ford brand parts!" (Thanks to Monique Berger
for this reference.)
[Sung.] Sylvia Koscina says Sylvia’s …
A paraphrase of the song “Sylvia’s Mother” by Dr. Hook & the Medicine Show.
Actual lyrics: “Sylvia's mother says Sylvia's busy, too busy to come to the
phone/Sylvia's mother says Sylvia's tryin' to start a new life of her
own/Sylvia's mother says Sylvia's happy so why don't you leave her alone/And
the operator says forty cents more for the next three minutes.”
[Sung.] My movie has a first name, it’s O-S-C-A-R …
From an old advertising jingle for Oscar Mayer hot dogs: “My baloney has a
first name; it's O-S-C-A-R. My baloney has a second name; it's M-A-Y-E-R.
Oh, I love to eat it every day, and if you ask me why, I'll say, ‘cause
Oscar-Mayer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A.”
Stephen Hawking
presents the Silly String theory.
Stephen
Hawking is one of the world’s foremost theoretical physicists. His book A
Brief History of Time was an extremely successful work on science for
laypeople. String theory is a popular theory of physics that is based on
string-like objects as the building blocks of the universe, as opposed to
the point-based model in use for many years. Silly String was a novelty
created by inventor Julius Samann in 1969. It is a non-toxic foam that comes
in an aerosol can and sprays out in a “string” form when fired at an
unsuspecting victim.
Hey, look—there’s the
constellation Feces, right below Taurus the Bull.
In Greek
mythology, the bull Taurus was actually the god Zeus in disguise, in order
to seduce one in a very lengthy series of maidens. The constellation is one
of the signs of the Zodiac, and, like most constellations, it bears only a
passing resemblance to its namesake.
Oh, Ted Turner’s
colorizing the universe now.
In the
1980s, media mogul Ted Turner announced plans to use “colorization”
technology to add color to the classic black-and-white films in his
library—films that included It’s a Wonderful Life, The Maltese
Falcon, and Casablanca, to name a few. There was an immediate
uproar, with many in the entertainment industry arguing that adding color
would bastardize the original vision of the filmmakers. Turner went ahead
with his plans, but colorized movies never really caught on.
[Sung.] Last night ... I think we've seen this all before ...
A reference to Show 408, Hercules Unchained. (Thanks to Joel Boutiere for
this reference.)
Oh, he’s the finder of
lost loves. –That’s James Franciscus.
Finder of
Lost Loves
was a TV series that aired for one season, 1984-85. It starred Tony
Franciosa (not James Franciscus) as a private eye specializing in reuniting
people with their lost loves. James Franciscus was an actor who appeared in
several TV series, including
Naked
City
(1958-63), The Investigators (1961), and Mr. Novak (1963-65).
Flute master Zamfir was
arrested today naked and drunk, running through a goat herd …
Gheorghe
Zamfir is a Romanian musician famed for his skill on the pan pipes. He has
recorded a number of albums of panflute music, which were extensively
advertised on television.
Flicka! Nooo!
My Friend
Flicka is a
novel by Mary O’Hara about a boy who takes responsibility for a young colt
as it grows into adulthood. It was made into a movie starring Roddy McDowell
in 1943.
Kibbles and bits,
kibbles and bits, gotta get me some kibbles and bits …
Kibbles ’n
Bits is a brand of dog food manufactured by Heinz Pet Products. The above
line is taken from a commercial for the food.
Looks like Superman
died.
Superman is
the quintessential comic-book hero. He first appeared in Action Comics
in 1938. He has also been featured in cartoons, movies, radio shows and even
a Broadway musical. In early 1993 DC Comics, with much fanfare and hoopla,
killed him off (not permanently, of course).
That’s either Herc or
Joe Piscopo. Can’t tell.
Joe Piscopo
is a comedian who appeared on Saturday Night Live from 1980-84. After
his stint on SNL, he got interested in bodybuilding and bulked up to
an impressive degree, even hawking dietary supplements for weightlifters in
the early 1990s.
Eddie Rabbit!
Eddie Rabbit
was a popular country/crossover singer in the 1970s and ‘80s, with such hits
as “Drivin’ My Life Away” and “I Love a Rainy Night” (both from 1980). In
the 1990s he had health problems that kept him from recording much; he died
of lung cancer in 1998.
[Sung.] Drivin’ my life away … huh?
A line from “Drivin’ My Life Away” by Eddie Rabbit (see previous note).
Oh, it’s a Dodge. Ram
tough.
“Dodge
trucks: ram tough” is an old advertising slogan for the Dodge trucks
manufactured by Chrysler.
Why, it’s a ComfoRest
adjustable rock.
ComfoRest is
a brand of adjustable mattresses made by a Minneapolis-based company.
Looks like an early
Baywatch.
Baywatch
is a television series about lifeguards on a resort beach that aired from
1989-2001. It starred David Hasselhoff (1952) as a veteran lifeguard who
watches paternally over a string of younger, extremely good-looking
lifeguards.
Still, Lassie will
taste good right now.
Lassie was a
hyperintelligent collie who starred in an eponymous TV series, which aired
from 1954-1974, as well as a series of movies.
No Pace picante sauce?
Get the rope!
In the
1980s, Pace picante sauce ran a series of advertisements featuring
rough-and-tumble cowpokes who are horrified to discover that their camp cook
is using a salsa that is (unlike Pace) made in New York City. “Get a rope,”
one of them says, preparing to string up the hapless cook.
Come on—taste it all.
“Taste it
all” was an advertising slogan for Diet Coke in 1993.
I’m on Jenny Craig.
Jenny Craig
is a chain of weight-loss centers located around the world. It was founded
in Australia in 1983 and has grown to be one of the largest companies in the
weight-loss industry.
Hey, as long as you’re
over there, hook me a Primo out of the fridge, will you?
Grain Belt Premium beer, a.k.a. Primo, was a local brand of beer
produced in Minneapolis until 1976. (Thanks to Minneapolis native Jeff
Cech for this reference.)
[Sung.] A man named Brady …
A line from the theme song to The Brady Bunch, a TV series that
ran from 1969-1974. It revolved around the adventures of a large
step-family. Sample lyrics: “Here's the story, of a man named Brady/Who was
busy with three boys of his own/They were four men, living all together/Yet
they were all alone.”
[Sung.] Ah yes, I remember it well …
A line from the song “I Remember It Well,” from the musical Gigi.
Sample lyrics: “Ah yes, I remember it well/We dined with friends/We dined
alone/A tenor sang/A baritone.”
Excuse me while I have
a strange interlude.
A paraphrase
of a line in the Marx Brothers movie Animal Crackers (1930): “Pardon
me while I have a strange interlude.”
Hey, I found a pack of
Trojans in the road!
Trojans are
a brand of condoms manufactured by Church & Dwight Co.
Excuse me, are you
Hector Elizondo?
Hector
Elizondo is an actor who has appeared in numerous TV shows and movies,
including Pretty Woman (1990) and Runaway Bride (1999). He has
also done a great deal of work on Broadway.
“Swept over me like a bad omen.” Three: the final conflict.
Omen 3: The Final Conflict is a 1981 horror flick starring Sam Neill
as the Antichrist.
Huh. A dark and stormy
night.
“It was a
dark and stormy night” is the opening line to the 1830 novel Paul
Clifford by Edward George Bulwer-Lytton. It has become known as the
epitome of hackneyed writing, to the extent that a Bulwer-Lytton fiction
contest, sponsored by the English department at San Jose State University,
is held annually to choose the worst opening sentence to an (imaginary)
novel. In 2005, the winning entry was: “As he stared at her ample bosom, he
daydreamed of the dual Stromberg carburetors in his vintage Triumph
Spitfire, highly functional yet pleasingly formed, perched prominently on
top of the intake manifold, aching for experienced hands, the small knurled
caps of the oil dampeners begging to be inspected and adjusted as described
in chapter seven of the shop manual.”
I dreamed I kissed
Gavin McCloud!
Actor Gavin
McCloud (b. 1930) played Captain Merrill Stubing on The Love Boat, a
TV romantic comedy that ran from 1977-1986, about a cruise ship on which a
succession of washed-up guest stars found love every week.
Looks like a Jim Dine
sculpture.
Jim Dine is
an artist, one of the central figures in the development of Pop Art, along
with Claes Oldenburg and Andy Warhol. He is known for attaching personal
possessions, such as tools, shoes, and once a bathroom sink, to his
paintings.
Anyway, this should
hold till you get to Sparta.
Sparta was
an ancient Greek city-state, the chief rival to
Athens
during Classical Greek times. It was known for its emphasis on military
prowess to the exclusion of all else.
There’s a new Sophocles
play opening tonight.
Sophocles
was a Greek playwright in the fifth century B.C. He wrote more than a
hundred plays, but only seven have survived, including Antigone and
Oedipus the King.
Can we stop at a
SuperAmerica soon?
Speedway
SuperAmerica is a chain of convenience stores located throughout the Midwest
and Southeast.
Hercules now concludes
his broadcasting day. Good night, and may Herc bless.
“Good night
and may God bless” was comedian Red Skelton’s trademark closing line on
The Red Skelton Show (1951-71).
Where is the sampo?!
A reference
to Show 422, The Day the Earth Froze.
Hi. Hercules,
reservation for two? It might be under Heracles.
Hercules is
the Romanized name for the mythical hero; in Greek, his name is usually
rendered Heracles or Herakles.
Oh, no, really, they
take this cheese, they get it really hot, then they pour retsina all over
the top, and then they light it and say “Opa!”
A reference
to the Greek dish saganaki; the above description is pretty accurate. The
owner of the Parthenon restaurant in
Chicago,
Christos Liakouras, claims credit for inventing the tradition.
Why, he could be Roy
Rogers.
Roy Rogers
(1911-1998) was a singer and actor who starred in a vast succession of
Westerns between 1938 and 1959. His TV series, The Roy Rogers Show,
ran from 1951-57.
Where’s my
Rémy Martin?
Rémy Martin is a brand of French cognac; it has been bottled since 1724.
Friends are visiting
from Europe.
This appears
to be a reference to a series of shampoo commercials done in the 1970s
starring Polish actress Rula Lenska.
Right here on ESPN!
ESPN is a
cable sports channel.
Is it Dr. No?
In the first
James Bond film, Dr. No (1962), the villain of the title, played by
Joseph Wiseman, is at first shot so that you cannot see his face, a
convention that has since become a cliché.
Is it the Millionaire?
On the TV
series The Millionaire (which aired 1955-60), an eccentric rich man
named John Beresford Tipton would pick random people to receive a check for
one million dollars. You never saw Tipton’s face on the series, only the
back of his head and (sometimes) his arm and hand.
It’s the Punt, Pass &
Kick competition!
The Punt,
Pass & Kick competition is a competition for children (boys and girls) held
by the NFL to test their skills in various aspects of football. It is open
to children ages 8-15.
It’s a Gore Vidal
fantasy!
Gore Vidal
is an American novelist. Homosexual himself, many of Vidal’s novels feature
gay characters, including his most controversial work, Myra Breckinridge
(1968), in which the title character is a male-to-female transsexual.
Judd Hirsch.
Judd Hirsch
is a sad-sack actor best known for playing Alex Reiger on the TV series
Taxi (1978-1983).
Oh, he’s left it way
right of the green, Chris, over the gallery.
“Chris” may
be a reference to Chris Schenkel, a longtime golf announcer for ABC Sports.
He frequently worked with fellow announcer Byron Nelson.
It ain’t over till it’s
over.
“It ain’t
over till it’s over” is a famous comment by baseball player and longtime
Yankees manager Yogi Berra. Berra is one of the most quoted figures in
sports; other gems include “It’s déjà vu all over again” and “The future
ain’t what it used to be.”
[Sung.] What’s new, pussycat? Whoa-oh …
A line from the classic Tom Jones song “What’s New Pussycat.” Sample
lyrics: “What's new pussycat? Whoa-oh, whoa-oh/Pussycat, pussycat/I've got
flowers/And lots of hours/To spend with you.”
It’s Clay Shaw.
Clay Shaw
was a New Orleans businessman who was accused of being part of the
right-wing CIA conspiracy dreamed up by New Orleans DA Jim Garrison to
account for the assassination of President John F. Kennedy. In 1967 Garrison
charged Shaw with conspiring to assassinate Kennedy; two years later he was
acquitted by a jury. Shaw died in 1974.
Look out, Aeschylus!
Aeschylus
was a Greek playwright in the sixth to fifth centuries B.C., known for his
Oresteia trilogy. According to legend, he was killed when an eagle,
mistaking his bald head for a rock, dropped a turtle on him in an attempt to
crack open its shell.
Bozo the lion!
Bozo the
Clown is a much-beloved children’s character first introduced as the star of
a series of children’s books in the 1940s. He quickly got his own television
show, and soon there were Bozo shows springing up in local markets across
the country. Although there were many actors who portrayed Bozo, probably
the most famous was Chicago’s Bob Bell.
Come on, Bert Lahr’s a
wimp! Come on!
Bert Lahr
(1895-1967) was an actor who was best known for playing the Cowardly Lion in
the 1939 film The Wizard of Oz.
Oh, I’m telling Joan
Embry from the San Diego
Zoo!
Joan Embry,
the “Goodwill Ambassador” for the San Diego Zoo, has appeared on numerous
talk shows, accompanied by various zoo denizens.
Either this man is dead or my sundial has stopped.
A take on a Groucho Marx line from the 1937 Marx Brothers movie A Day
at the Races: “Either he’s dead or my watch has stopped.”
Whether tis nobler to
suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune …
A line from
the famous “To be or not to be” soliloquy in the William Shakespeare play
Hamlet. The full line: “To be, or not to be: that is the
question:/Whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer/The slings and arrows of
outrageous fortune,/Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,/And by
opposing end them?”
I love my dead Greek
son!
A take on a
line from the black comedy Heathers (1989), which starred Winona
Ryder and Christian Slater as a couple of teenagers who begin killing off
popular students and making them look like suicides, including a couple of
jocks whose bodies are left in compromisingly homoerotic circumstances. The
actual line: “I love my dead gay son!”
The lion takes
Vanquish.
Vanquish is
an over-the-counter pain reliever that contains both aspirin and
acetaminophen. It is manufactured by Bayer.
Barabbas! Barabbas!
According to
some Christian texts, Barabbas was the criminal whom the crowd chose to be
spared crucifixion when given a choice to free Barabbas or Jesus.
Maybe I’ll call
Samson—see what he’s up to.
Samson is a
figure in the Hebrew bible, sort of the Jewish equivalent of Hercules. He is
betrayed by a woman named Delilah, who cuts off all his hair, causing him to
lose his strength. He is captured by the Philistines and blinded; in the
end, he prays to God to restore his strength and pulls down the temple,
killing his captors as well as himself.
James A. Michener’s
Adventures of Hercules!
James
Michener (1907-1997) was an American author known for his massive novels,
including
Hawaii and
Texas.
In the late 1950s, Michener created a TV show called Adventures in
Paradise (1959-62), starring Gardner McKay as a guy on a boat who helps
people with their personal problems.
Shane! Come back,
Shane!
Shane
is a 1953 Western starring Alan Ladd as a retired gunfighter who unwillingly
gets drawn into a range war. The line “Shane! Come back, Shane!” is uttered
by little Joey as Shane rides off at the end of the film.
Hey, what’s for dinner,
Hop Sing?
Hop Sing
(played by Victor Sen Yung) was the cook for the Cartwright family on the TV
series Bonanza, which aired from 1959-73).
Howard Johnson is
right!
A line from
the 1974 film Blazing Saddles.
Courage.
A reference
to the Cowardly Lion from The Wizard of Oz.
Like Rod McKuen?
Rod McKuen was a poet, composer, and singer who was immensely popular
during the 1960s. His critics derided him as simplistic and sentimental, but
he remained a guru to the flower child generation and was extremely
successful as a songwriter and serious composer.
Hail, Dorothy!
A line from
The Wizard of Oz.
Rip Torn, ladies and
gentlemen.
Rip Torn is
a respected actor who has appeared in many a movie and Broadway play. His
films include Payday (1973) and Cross Creek (1983), for which
he was nominated for an Oscar. He also played talk-show producer Artie on
The Larry Sanders Show.
I need a salty dog.
A salty dog
is a cocktail made from vodka and grapefruit juice.
Live from the
Fontainebleau Hotel!
The
Fontainebleau Hotel is a luxury hotel in
Miami Beach,
Florida.
You can’t handle the
truth!
A famous
line from the 1992 film A Few Good Men, spoken by Jack Nicholson.
And now, funny man
Morty Gunty.
Morty Gunty
(1929-1984) was the host of a children’s show in New York City from
1963-1965. He appeared as himself in the 1984 Woody Allen film Broadway
Danny Rose.
Dennis Day?
Dennis Day
(1916-1988) was an Irish-American singer who frequently appeared on Jack
Benny’s show (both radio and television). From 1952-54 he had his own TV
series, The Dennis Day Show.
Abe
Lincoln
looks cheesed here, huh?
Abraham
Lincoln (1809-1865) was the 16th president of the United States, who guided
the nation through the Civil War (1861-1865) and was assassinated shortly
after its end by disgruntled Southerner John Wilkes Booth. In 1860, when he
was first running for president, a young girl wrote to him advising him to
grow a beard because he would get more votes; he took her advice and grew
the beard (without a mustache) that has since become iconic.
Twelve angry Greeks.
12 Angry
Men is a
1957 movie about a panel of jurors who must decide the guilt or innocence of
a young man accused of killing his father. The movie featured an impressive
ensemble cast, including Henry Fonda, Lee J. Cobb, Martin Balsam, and Jack
Klugman.
Geez, you’ve got to
take orders from Pete Townshend in a dress.
Pete
Townshend is a rock guitarist best known for his work with the Who, although
he has also had a very successful solo career.
[Sung.] C&H pure cane sugar …
“C&H pure cane sugar, that’s the one” is an old jingle for C&H sugar.
Attack of the Mary
Martins!
Mary Martin
(1913-1990) was a stage and screen actress who performed in many musicals,
including The Sound of Music and South Pacific, but she
is probably best known for her portrayal of Peter Pan in the musical of the
same name.
“Follow me.” [Sung.] Where I go, who I am, what I know …
A line from the John Denver song “Follow Me.” Sample lyrics: “Follow me
where I go what I do and who I know/Make it part of you to be a part of
me/Follow me up and down all the way and all around/Take my hand and say
you’ll follow me.”
It’s a wacky sitcom.
–Or a wacky Satyricon!
The
Satyricon is an ancient Roman satire written during the reign of Emperor
Nero by the respected author Petronius. The fragments that survive tell of
the misadventures of a trio of friends; it is sometimes considered an early
precursor of the novel. Federico Fellini made a film version of the tale in
1969.
Hey, Skipper, look what
I found!
An imitation
of Gilligan from the TV series Gilligan’s Island, which aired from
1964-67. The part was played by Bob Denver.
She’s an Ellen Jamesian!
The Ellen
Jamesians were a group of women in the John Irving novel The World
According to Garp. Out of empathy for an 11-year-old girl named Ellen
James, whose rapist cut her tongue after attacking her so that she could not
identify him, they have had their tongues surgically removed and communicate
by writing on small slips of paper.
It’s the Andrea Dworkin
memorial cemetery.
Andrea
Dworkin (1946-2005) was a radical feminist known for her fierce crusade
against pornography, which she argued encouraged violence against women. She
claimed that depictions of heterosexual intercourse in Western culture had
created a climate in which sex itself was used to subjugate women, an
argument that has often been oversimplified as “All heterosexual intercourse
is rape.”
“Who said life sometimes hangs by a thread?” Bil Baird?
Bil Baird (1904-1987) was a puppeteer who formed his own company in 1934,
touring the world for decades. His most famous puppet was Charlemane the
lion.
Who are you, Bobby
McFerrin?
Bobby
McFerrin is a jazzy pop singer best known for his 1988 hit “Don’t Worry, Be
Happy.”
It’s the
Bataan
Sex March!
The Bataan
Death March was a forced march of American and Filipino prisoners of war
during the Japanese invasion of the Philippines in World War II. Of the
70,000 prisoners who set out on the march from the Bataan Peninsula to a POW
camp, only 54,000 arrived; the rest died on the way or escaped into the
jungle. After the war, the Japanese commander in the Philippines was
executed for his role in the march.
It’s Little
Big
Man.
Little
Big Man is a
1970 film starring Dustin Hoffman as Jack Crabb, an old man who recounts his
past fighting with General George Custer at Little Big Horn.
Oh, they’re gonna carve
Mount Rushmore.
Mount
Rushmore is a mountain in the Black Hills of South Dakota that features the
gigantic heads of four presidents, each about 60 feet high, carved out of
the granite of the mountain: George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Abraham
Lincoln, and Teddy Roosevelt. Work on the memorial began in 1927 and was
finished in 1941 under sculptor Gutzon Borglum.
Land of the Bea Arthurs!
Bea Arthur
is an actress who became famous in the 1970s for her portrayal of the acid
Maude Findlay on the TV series All in the Family and later in her own
spinoff, Maude. She also appeared on the TV series The Golden
Girls in the 1990s.
Guess what’s for dinner? –Manwiches.
Manwich is a brand of canned sloppy joe mix made by Hunt’s, and made
famous by the 1970s slogan “A sandwich is a sandwich but a Manwich is a
meal.”
It’s the Percy Faith
Orchestra.
Percy Faith
(1908-1976) was a bandleader known for his lush orchestral arrangements.
Famous songs included “Moulin Rouge” and “Theme From a Summer Place.”
Esther Williams!
Esther
Williams is a swimmer and actress who became famous in a string of films in
the 1940s and 1950s that featured elaborate aquatic musical numbers. She
retired from acting in the 1960s and started a profitable line of women’s
swimwear.
“All we want are supplies and provisions.” [Sung.] And a room somewhere …
A line from the song “Wouldn’t It Be Loverly” from the musical My Fair
Lady. Sample lyrics: “All I want is a room somewhere/Far away from the
cold night air/With one enormous chair/Aow, wouldn't it be loverly?”
They call me Mr. Tibbs!
“They call
me Mr. Tibbs!” is a line from the 1967 film In the Heat of the Night,
which starred Sidney Poitier as a police detective who finds himself teamed
up with a racist redneck sheriff (played by Rod Steiger). The film won five
Academy Awards, including Best Picture. In 1970 a sequel, They Call Me
Mr. Tibbs!, came out.
“Some men are full of kind sentiments.” Like Alan Alda.
Alan Alda is an actor best known for playing Hawkeye Pierce on the TV series
M*A*S*H, which aired from 1972-83. He came to epitomize the sensitive
‘70s male for a lot of people.
The ooooh lagoon.
The Blue
Lagoon is a
1980 movie about two children who are shipwrecked on a deserted island and
grow up together, ultimately falling in love. The film starred Brooke
Shields and Christopher Atkins.
I see
Sparta,
I see Athens,
I see someone’s …
A variation
on an old playground taunt: “I see
London,
I see France. I
see [insert name]’s underpants!”
Um, I’d like to do a
scene from Baywatch, if I may? –By all means.
See note on
Baywatch, above.
When Congress goes
swimming.
Congress has
had any number of sex scandals over the years, including the one in 1976
when a secretary for Rep. Wayne Hays admitted she couldn’t even type or
answer phones, although apparently she had other talents. But the most
recent one when this show aired (July 1993) was Senator Bob Packwood, who
resigned after more than two dozen women accused him of sexual misconduct
ranging from kissing to forceful groping.
What, did we tap into
the Playboy Channel?
The Playboy
Channel is an adult cable channel run by men’s mag Playboy.
And so the men of the
Calypso are all painted bronze. Falco cries, “When in Rome!”
and dives into the water.
Albert Falco
was the chief diver aboard French ocean explorer Jacques Cousteau's boat,
the Calypso.
Elinor Donahue?
Elinor
Donahue is an actress who played the elder daughter, Betty, on the TV series
Father Knows Best (1954-60); she also played the pharmacist, Ellie
Walker, on The Andy Griffith Show (1960-68).
Destiny rides again.
Destry
Rides Again
is a 1939 film starring Jimmy Stewart as a young sheriff who believes in
solving problems without violence. The film also starred Marlene Dietrich as
a dance hall girl.
That guy’s got a saggy
diaper that leaks.
A reference
to an old Pampers campaign that expressed sympathy for any baby stuck in “a
saggy diaper that leaks.”
That’s for Gene Wilder.
Gene Wilder
is a comic actor who has appeared in such films as Blazing Saddles
(1974) and Silver Streak (1976). In Woody Allen’s 1972 film
Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex * But Were Afraid to
Ask, Wilder plays a doctor who falls in love with a sheep.
Mmm—buttery napalm!
Napalm is an
incendiary weapon, made of jellied gasoline. It was first used by American
forces during World War II; it became infamous during its use in the Vietnam
War, when a picture of a little girl who had been horribly burned by napalm
achieved worldwide fame. By 2001, the U.S. had destroyed its stockpiles of
napalm.
Uh-oh, this is turning into a Porky’s, isn’t it?
Porky’s is a 1982 teen gross-out film about a group of teenagers
trying to lose their virginity. It features a famous scene in which one of
the boys spies on a group of girls taking a shower in a locker room.
I’m not going back,
Jim!
This phrase,
a reference to the Star Trek episode “This Side of Paradise,” was one
of the writers’ favorites. Mary Jo Pehl’s comment, from the MST Episode
Guide: “’I’m not going back, Jim’ was one of our favorite catchphrases
around here, until we rented the video of that Star Trek episode and
were stunned to realize that Spock never says that.”
The naked prey.
The Naked Prey is a 1966 film about a group of hunters on safari
in Africa
who run afoul of a local tribe. The survivor finds himself the huntee rather
than the hunter, as a group of tribesmen chase him down.
Poppies!
A reference
to the scene in The Wizard of Oz where Dorothy and her friends are
overcome by a field of poppies and fall asleep.
He’s growing a victory
garden there.
Victory
gardens were home gardens of fruits, veggies and herbs that were grown
during World Wars I and II in an effort to reduce the strain on the nation’s
food supply caused by the war. They were also seen as a way to boost morale;
people growing a victory garden could feel they were contributing to the war
effort.
[Sung.] Times like these were made for …
This is an advertising jingle from a series of commercials for Taster’s
Choice coffee that ran during the 1980s.
The Solid Gold dancers!
Solid
Gold was a
syndicated TV series that ran from 1980-88. It usually featured snippets
from the Top 10 hits of the week, played while the Solid Gold dancers
performed; it also sometimes had musicians as live guests.
Mike Brady!
Mike Brady was the dad on the TV series The Brady Bunch
(1969-74); the part was played by Robert Reed.
Can I get another
Grolsch over here?
Grolsch is a
brand of beer from
Holland.
It’s a Who from
Whoville!
A reference
to the Dr. Seuss book How the Grinch Stole Christmas, in which the
sour old Grinch plots to destroy the Whos’ Christmas. The book begins with
the line, “Every Who down in Whoville liked Christmas a lot.”
Grapefruits: they’re
not just for breakfast anymore.
“Orange
juice: it’s not just for breakfast anymore” is the tag line to a series of
commercials for Florida oranges that ran during the early 1990s.
[Sung.] So long … farewell … auf Wiedersehen …
A line from the song “So Long Farewell” from The Sound of Music.
Sample lyrics: “So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, good night/I hate to go
and leave this pretty sight/So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, adieu/Adieu,
adieu, to you and you and you …”
It’s a Gap jeans
commercial.
In the 1990s
the Gap clothing stores ran a series of extremely hip commercials that
revitalized the chain. One of the ads featured a percussion group beating on
various objects, like trash cans. I’m not sure if it was actually the iconic
group Stomp, but it was certainly a reasonable facsimile.
Maybe if we get higher up we won’t hear Gordon MacRae down here.
Gordon MacRae (1921-86) was an actor and singer who appeared in a string
of musical films during the 1950s; he frequently worked with Doris Day and
Shirley Jones.
Maria Callas!
Maria Callas
(1923-1977) was an operatic soprano who was one of the leading performers
during the 1950s and 1960s.
Let me live it as a
blonde!
“If I have
only one life to live, let me live it as a blonde” is a line from an old
Clairol commercial from the 1960s.
It’s the Swiss Family
Papodapoulos.
Swiss
Family Robinson
is a nineteenth-century novel by Johann Wyss about a shipwrecked family. It
has been made into a movie several times, with the most famous probably
being the 1960 Disney version.
Hey, Commando Cody!
Commando
Cody was the star of a serial that MST ran as shorts on various episodes
during Season 1, starting with Show 102, The Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy.
Hey, it’s the Jim
Ignatowski/Tommy Chong/Gilbert Gottfried/Gino Bonelli tribe.
Reverend Jim
Ignatowski was the wild-eyed, wild-haired character played by Christopher
Lloyd on the TV series Taxi. Tommy Chong is a comedian, half of the
stoner comedy team Cheech and Chong. Gilbert Gottfried is a gravelly-voiced
comedian and actor best known for his portrayal of the parrot Iago in the
Disney animated film Aladdin (1992). Gino Bonelli was an Italian
operatic tenor during the 1950s and 1960s.
Yeah, I mean, on top of
that, they all look like the Nutty Professor.
The Nutty
Professor is
a 1963 film starring Jerry Lewis as a nerdy professor who invents a potion
that transforms him into a suave ladies’ man. A remake starring Eddie Murphy
was released in 1996.
Gymkata! Gymkata!
Fresh from
his triumph at the 1984 Olympics, gold-medal-winning gymnast Kurt Thomas
made an enjoyably bad movie called Gymkata (1985), in which he offers
to go to a country called Parmistan and wrestle a bunch of ninjas and fight
off zombies armed with pitchforks so the American military can plonk down a
missile base over there. Fortunately for him, the country has a lot of
gymnastic equipment just lying around in alleys and open fields that he can
use to defeat the bad guys.
Oh, wait, I think they
said Golden Grahams, not golden ram.
Golden
Grahams are a brand of graham-cracker-flavored cereal manufactured by
Nestle.
Hey.
[Sung.] I feel the earth move under my feet …
A line from the Carole King song “I Feel the Earth Move.” Sample lyrics: “I
feel the earth move under my feet/I feel the sky tumbling down/I feel my
heart start to trembling/Whenever you're around.”
Going down, Mr.
Hercules?
A reference
to the Aerosmith song “Love in an Elevator,” which begins with a sultry
woman’s voice asking, “Going down, Mr. Tyler?”
Malcolm X is over
there.
Malcolm X
(1925-1965) was a radical black leader during the 1960s who preached racial
pride and black separatism, as opposed to civil rights leaders like Martin
Luther King Jr., who wanted to see blacks better integrated into mainstream
(read: white) society. In 1965 he was shot to death during a rally; three
Black Muslims were convicted of his murder.
Actually, it’s
Thinsulate.
Thinsulate
is a brand of insulation used in clothing and footwear; it is manufactured
by 3M.
Man, it must be South
Central police.
In 1992, the
riots in Los Angeles
that followed the acquittal of four white police officers in the beating of
black motorist Rodney King began in South Central Los Angeles, a mostly
black neighborhood that had harbored years of resentment against what they
perceived as a racist and violent police department.
Ha! Missed me. Now
you’re gonna kiss me.
“Missed me,
missed me, now you gotta kiss me” is an old playground taunt.
He’s just invented the
weed whipper!
A weed
whipper, a.k.a. a string trimmer, is a gardening device that cuts grass and
weeds with a whirling length of string, usually a plastic line.
Chains don’t kill
people. Hercules kills people.
“Guns don’t
kill people. People kill people” is a slogan of the National Rifle
Association, a national organization dedicated to promoting gun ownership.
It is a powerful lobbying organization, successfully and fiercely resisting
any and all gun control measures.
Taste it all. Diet
hemlock.
See note on
Diet Coke, above.
I have a delicious
poison in the morning, and … that’s it.
A paraphrase
of the ad campaign for the Slim-Fast diet plan, which instructed
participants to consume two Slim-Fast shakes plus a “sensible dinner” every
day.
“Men sometimes make mistakes, and now mine have caught up with me.”
That’s what Michael Milken probably said.
Michael Milken was a Wall Street financier who created the market for
high-yield bonds, better known as junk bonds, in the 1980s. In 1989 he was
charged with racketeering and fraud in relation to a series of questionable
financial moves. He ultimately plea-bargained down the charges, paid $900
million in fines, and served a brief sentence in prison. He was banned for
life from working in the securities industry.
[Sung.] School’s out for summer!
A line from the Alice Cooper song “School’s Out.” Sample lyrics: “School's
out for summer/School's out forever/School's been blown to pieces …”
The National Guard was
called in to help quell the violence.
Probably a
reference to the tragedy at Kent State University in 1970, when the National
Guard was called in to an anti-war protest at the school that had turned
violent. The Guardsmen, many of whom were poorly trained, opened fire on a
crowd of students, hitting thirteen and killing four; two of the dead were
bystanders who were not involved in the protest. No Guardsmen were convicted
of a crime in connection with the shootings.
Oh, man, if this were
in Sensurround this would be so great.
Sensurround
was a gimmick, like Cinerama and Smell-o-Vision, designed to lure audiences
into theaters. It was used to hype the 1975 film Earthquake by
promising to use high-decibel sound to literally shake the audience;
unfortunately, the effect bled over into neighboring theaters and disturbed
patrons, which discouraged any repeat performances.
[Sung.] Bali
hai …
A line from the song “Bali Hai,” from the musical South Pacific.
Sample lyrics: “Bali Ha'i may call you/Any night, any day/In your heart,
you'll hear it call you/’Come away … Come away.’"
Iole did data entry at
Fingerhut.
Fingerhut is
a direct-sales company (catalogs, web site, etc.) based in Minnetonka,
Minnesota.
Then Herc went through
rehab and he started selling Kirbys door to door.
Kirby is a
brand of vacuum cleaners sold exclusively through in-home demonstrations.
Jason? He sold the
fleece and bought himself a Rupp minibike.
Minibikes
are a kind of smallish motorcycle that became popular in the 1960s and
1970s. Rupp was a popular brand of minibikes created by Herbert Rupp III.
Then he was killed in a
tragic boating accident involving the Argo—you know, there were some
[something] crew mates and there was a case of St. Pauli Girl …
St. Pauli
Girl is a brand of German beer.
